GTA KENWAY
by Vergildarkslayer
Summary: Complete random crap,originally a oneshot but now a series,whohooo and stuf
1. Chapter 1

**And so I've decided to take a short break from my fic to write this oneshot (bang!)**

"Oh my name was captain kidd as I sail as I sail, oh my-"  
"Shut it,you skeevers"the captain growled, the stench of rum following his every move  
"Looks like captains pissed again"  
"Throw him in the birg!Walk the plank!"  
"What's the point?Nobody can go beneath deck and we dont even have a plank,not that it matters cause we all know how to swim"obviously kenway didn't take this well and the next words heard on the Jackdaw were 'man over board!'  
"Ahio Kenway!"  
"Mar-" but he was interrupted by a swift punch to the face  
"Quiet!I told you to keep...bloody hell are you drunk?!"  
"Walk the plank!"  
"I'll take that as a yes"said the young captain Kidd,only to help him up  
"So Kenwa,what prizes we be plundering today?"  
"MAN O WARRRR'" The drunken captain yelled,at first the crew looked around thinking he tried to warn them of danger but later realised what he ment,keep in mind that the ship had no upgrades what so ever  
"Are you mad, we cant-"  
"FULL SAIL, FULL SAIL!"

Amazingly they sailed past three enemy forts without taking any damage with Kidd cursing all the way,eventually they found the perfect ship, The HMS Royal a huge British galleon,they approached from the right side as Edward planned to pass right in front of the beast  
"Kenway what the hell are you doing?!"  
"Take her in clothes,I'll deal lith tiss"the captain said as drunk as ever  
They sailed in front of the ship and as they were half way past Kenway released the wheel and ran towards the Man o War's ram,he clambered up to the deck and killed one of the guards  
"Who the hell are you?"  
"I master of ancient Chinese style...DRUNKEN FIIIIIIST!" They gaurds charged in but his fighting style was too great,one by one they fell exept for the captain that had a perfect circle punched straight through him, Kenway ran towards the ram and jumped to the deck of the Jackdaw  
"Open fire!" And as they did the ship burst aflame,one shot away from sinking  
"Grappling hooks away!" As they were pulling the ship closer the rest of the crew pulled out rifles and started shooting at casper floating on the deck  
"Is everyone drunk?!What the hell are you shooting at,theres no one there!"  
"We have to look busy or the captain will make us walk the plank"  
" **THERE IS NO BLOODY PLANK!"**

"The ships ours men,send it to the fleet"  
"How the hell did he do that?" Kidd along with the entire crew asked themselves, but Kenway only responded with a smile

**Short and yeah,and that hijack thing actually works,get yourself on the ship and kill everyone including the two on the masts,blast the ship and board without worrying about enemy killing your crew,try it **


	2. Chapter 2

**Aw screw it,this oneshot has more favs and follows than my story thats 9 chapters long and twenty five thousand words longer so this will continue,however the chapters will be short,shit and will only be updated once in a while,do not take this seriously and now get ready for some stupid ass shit (sorry but im a little enraged that something I wrote while drinking my morning coffee when I was still half asleep and only took me one minute gets more attention than something that I am still working on and have been working on for three months)**

A beautiful morning on the high seas,well at least it was for most of the crew seeing as Kenway had the biggest hangover this side of the west indies,and as he rose from his quarters to the deck of the ship he saw something quite unusual  
"And where are you off to?"  
"Anywhere as long as its away from you,ya drunken lunatic" The young captain Kidd roared from a rowboat that was now quite a few meters away  
"Fare thee well then Mary"  
"YOU BLOODY IDIOT,I'LL KILL-"Kidd shouted his hand moving to his pistols but got confused,he only shot with his lucky pistol but something tragic happened, in his/her haste to get off the Jackdaw he/her dropped his/her favourite gun and was now unable to use any gun,it was the worste thing that could happen to a pirate,be it a he or a her but luckily as Kidd was on the brink of madness Kenway came up with a brilliant plan to fool the crew  
"Mary...uh...Mary had a little lam,little lam...that wnt up the clock to fetch a bowl of water,come men all together now"this foolproof plan was ingenius as all the men of Jackdaw screwed up more than four songs in a mear five seconds,Kenway and Kidd's eyes met as the commotion subsided,they both felt it...the spark they both felt...the passing of gas

a few seconds later Aduwale walked to his usual spot at the helm but immediately began searching his shoes,and later began cursing the crew  
"Who took a dump on the deck?! I know someone did,it smells like a cow died and shat all over the sails!"but before the crew could awnser Kenway snapped out of his stenchy trance  
"Come Ade,prepare the crew,we sail for Nassau"  
"Of course captain,but not until I find the traitor in our company"  
"Traitor?"  
"Yes,the king has sent an assassin to kill us by means of air poisoning,he must be found before we lose our minds!"Kenway did as any normal person would do,casually walked to the edge of the Ship and lept into the sea and returned to the helm  
"He has gone undercover for now captain,but rest assure,I will find our skunky friend"

Half way to Nassau Aduwale decided to speak his mind,forgetting that the captain did not give a...  
"Kenway,what do you think of this assassin ordeal?"  
"I feel cheated if nothing else"  
"How so?"  
"Are we assassins?The entire theme of this is Assassins creed but we're pirates, I killed an assassin but im not an-"but he was cut off by Aduwale who only shouted two words as he punched Edward in the face  
"FOURTH WALL!" A few seconds passed before they returned to pretending it never happened  
"Well I believe they hold a noble cause"  
"Of course you do... for twenty dollars...dam Ubi-" PUNCH followed by FOURTH WALL a d then acting like nothing happened  
"I think that I will join them and free my people"  
"Not on my budget your not,I spent all my money to buy this game"  
"You're such a cheapskate" Ade said while rolling his first  
**FOURTH WALL!**

LAND HO CAPTAIN!  
They arrived at Nassau and as they got to the tavern they were greeted by Ed Thatch 'Blackbeard'  
"Good lord Kenway,what happened to your face?!" To wich his only response was a whimpering "Fourth wall"

**Yea that was random so yea,these will be very short but be sure to give me your opinions **


End file.
